


The Path to Heaven Runs Through Miles of Clouded Hell

by TragicLove



Series: And Learn to Fly [2]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childbirth, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:36:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: She didn’t belong to him, and neither did this precious, innocent, beautiful new life. She hadn’t for a long time, and the latter never did.





	The Path to Heaven Runs Through Miles of Clouded Hell

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion to xhorizen's [It's Time To Begin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15868134) from Natalie's perspective.
> 
> Prompt from HanFic Bingo (loosely followed) was chocolates.
> 
> Title comes from the song It's Time off of the Glee soundtrack.

This time was hard. Harder than the last five, harder than two or three of them put together. 

She’d gone into labor in the middle of the night, the rest of the kids tucked soundly in their beds, ran ragged and exhausted with all of that Christmas Day excitement. She’d labored at home for as long as she could, knowing her limits by this point, she wasn’t new at this. 

The second her water broke it became almost impossible to not call him, not send a text. But Taylor had her phone soundly in his pocket, fretting about the impending delivery of their - if only he knew - newest arrival. 

When they’d finally been admitted to the hospital and things were really kicking off, she’d finally reminded Taylor to call him, which elicited a raised eyebrow and a knowing look, one that she brushed off as something she’d recently come to expect. She’d been reassuring him for months now that everything was fine between them, that he was only accusing her of things that made his voice raise and teeth clench because he was drinking, stressed - _guilty_ , she’d think to herself, but she’d never utter that one. 

When she was pushing, her husband's hand holding firmly to her own, her eyes shut tight, it was Zac’s eyes, Zac’s assuring, comforting words she was hearing in her head. If he were there he’d kiss her on the forehead, smooth down her hair, whisper that she was amazing and she could do this. He’d make her laugh, take her mind off of the pain…he’d do all of the things Taylor wasn’t doing. He’d make it easier, he’d fill the room with love.

When she finally arrived, the way Taylor wrapped her in his arms, kissed her tiny forehead, her little nose, pressed his finger to her tiny palm and let the tears fall as she wrapped her itty bitty fingers around it, she felt the weight of life pressing down on her. She knew that to find her way to heaven, she’d have to watch him be crushed in hell. She’d have to take things from him that he believed were his, rip apart his world, turn every smooth surface into a series of sharp edges. 

She’d have to tell him that he was right, she had been unfaithful, she was in love with someone else. She didn’t belong to him, and neither did this precious, innocent, beautiful new life. She hadn’t for a long time, and the latter never did. 

“We did it again, Nat,” Taylor had leaned down, placing the baby back in her arms, his lips landing on her forehead. “We created perfection.”

“Yeah,” she’d smiled up at him, her hand pressing against his cheek. “She’s amazing.”

“Like you,” Taylor smiled. “I’m gonna go get Zac, he’s been waiting out there for ages.”

Natalie felt her heart do a flip inside of her chest, her eyes moving down to her daughter. She looked so much like him, so much like the baby pictures spread throughout her in-laws home. She had her Daddy’s lips, his nose, the pale blonde hair he’d had as a child. She wondered for a moment how Taylor didn’t see it. _Maybe sometimes we don’t see what's right in front of us because it’s easier that way._

She looked back up to where Taylor had been, but he was already out of the room.

“Are you ready to meet your Daddy?” She whispered, running a fingertip down her daughter's cheek. “You’re going to love him so much, and he’s going to love you even more.”

 

—

 

Natalie didn’t miss it, every time she’d bring up her unhappiness with their situation to Zac, a small panic would flash through his eyes, just about as quick as something could flash by without never really being there at all, but she caught it every single time. He’d recover quickly, showering her with words of love, of diminished hope, of some kind of solidarity that she wasn’t sure how they’d continue to keep up after this. After this everything would change, there was more at stake. It wasn’t just lingering love that two kids had fallen into years ago when they were people neither of them really even recognized anymore. It wasn’t just an affair, just hidden places and whispered words. Now, it wasn’t just Natalie and Zac hiding a love that just wouldn’t die from the world. Now, it was three of them. More, if Natalie would ever be damned honest with herself. Now they had _her_.

It wasn’t that she thought Zac was wrong, she knew he was right. There was too much behind them, too much at stake, too many hinges hanging on to the doors they’d put up in the houses of their lives that they would have to take a sledgehammer to. None of that stopped her from _wanting_ , none of it erased the way she knew that she would never be happy in life, not really, if she couldn’t be with him. She loved her kids, and her life wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t what it could be - what it should be - and if never would be for as long as it wasn’t with him.

Looking at him now, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed, holding the beautiful life they had made together in his arms, she could feel the tears as they were leaving her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure when she’d started crying, or if there was one reason that topped a host of other reasons for her tears, there was unconditional love, pride, regret, need, longing…she could burst with the cornucopia of emotion flooding her body.

“She’s warmed to you already,” Natalie looked up at Zac, noticing only then that his face looked a lot like hers: tear-stained and glowing with love.

“I hope so,” Zac’s eyes met Natalie’s and he smiled. “Because I’m crazy for her already.”

“You hear that, little lady?” Natalie looked back down at their daughter, placing her finger in her little hand. “Your daddy is crazy for you.”

“Hey,” Zac spoke softly, looking at Natalie again. He gently pulled his finger from the baby hand and wrapped his arm around Natalie’s shoulder, pulling her to him. “I’m crazy for you too,” he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Someday I’ll figure out a way to prove it to you.”

“I know,” Natalie smiled, leaning her head on Zac’s shoulder. 

“Until then,” Zac pulled away, grinning at Natalie. “I almost forgot.”

He stood up, placing the baby gently in Natalie’s arms.

“I brought these for you, I figured you’d need a little pick me up,” he stuck his hand in his pocket, pulling out a bag of Reese’s Pieces, dangling it in front of Natalie and grinning.

“You remembered,” Natalie laughed, reaching for the bag. “You bought me a bag of these the first time you ever took me out.”

“Of course I remembered,” he shrugged, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “I remember everything about you.”

“Everything?” She tilted her head. The tears had stopped coming and now it was as if the smile on her face were permanently etched there.

“Everything,” he repeated, wrapping his arm around her again. “I could never forget a single moment I’ve spent with you.”

Natalie closed her eyes, breathing in his scent, committing the feeling of sitting in that bed with him, their daughter barely over an hour old, to memory. Maybe it could never be perfect for them, they’d always have obstacles to climb and they’d never be able to be open with all of the love that existed between them, but in that moment, right then with him, it was the closest to perfect she could remember feeling in a long time. 

They’d figure this thing out, come hell or high water, they’d get it right.


End file.
